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March @Home

This month’s idea: 

Light a Chalice!

While most UUs have become accustomed to lighting a chalice at the beginning of our Sunday worship services, taking the time to light a chalice at home can turn any event, big or small, into a sacred occasion. 

Check out the March tab above for some excellent resources and don't forget to contribute your own ideas!   

Books that "Stand on the Side of Love" (Week Four)

In honor of this month's @Home, each week in February will feature a different children's book that honors all families and celebrates love. 

Just by reading and sharing these stories we are all doing our part to help create a culture that affirms the worth and dignity of all persons AND their families. 

No matter what your family looks like, I hope you will take some time to check out some of these books!

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Week Four

I was introduced to Uncle Bobby's Wedding by Sarah S. Brannen just in the nick of time! 

My daughter has reached the age when questions about EVERYTHING fill our days; including her wonderings about all of this "getting married" stuff she is surrounded with seemingly every minute of every day (thank you, Disney). Of course, the images that bombard her world tend to feature a very narrow view of what love and marriage looks like. 

Uncle Bobby's Wedding  was a great way for me to begin to address some of my daughter's questions about marriage and weddings and has allowed me to incorporate more diverse representations of marriage into her world view.

Brannen's tale introduces a rather familiar concept: the jealousy a child may feel when he or she learns that a beloved family member may be sharing time with someone new. In this story, Chloe, an adorable hamster, is saddened, even in the midst of her family's celebrations, that her favorite Uncle Bobby will be getting married to Jamie. Chloe adores the time that she gets to spend with her Uncle Bobby and wonders if he will still have time to share with her after he gets married. Of course, by the end of the book (spoiler alert!) Chloe learns that she doesn't have to be jealous of her Uncle's new husband, but that there is enough love to go around. 

Uncle Bobby's Wedding is a sweet story that features themes and characters that speak to the heart of children of all ages. If your little one is beginning to wonder about marriage, why not include this book in your conversations?

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So, UU@Home-rs, this is where you come in; in addition to providing four of my own favs, I am turning the tables this month and asking each of you to contribute some of your own great resources for all ages! Add your book recommendations below, or check out the UU@Home facebook page and join the discussion board, post pictures, and don't forget to include a link!

Books that "Stand on the Side of Love" (Week Three)

In honor of this month's @Home, each Wednesday in February will feature a children's book that honors all families and celebrates love. 

Just by reading and sharing these stories we are all doing our part to help create a culture that affirms the worth and dignity of all persons AND their families. 

No matter what your family looks like, I hope you will take some time to check out some of these books!

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Week Three

I stumbled upon this week's book in our local library a few months ago and I instantly loved it. 

The author of A Tale of Two Daddies, Vanita Oelschlager, does a wonderful job capturing the genuine curiosity expressed by children when they meet someone who has a family that looks a little different from their own. This charming story features a little boy who wonders about the family of his playground playmate; a little girl who has two dads. 

As the two children play together, the little boy begins to ask a series of questions including, "Which dad helps you when your day begins?/ Who is there to tuck you in?" 

The little girl proudly responds, "Poppa's awake when my day begins. / Both of my daddies tuck me in." 

I love that kids and caretakers can read this story and think about who helps them in their own home and discover that while each family is not exactly the same, love is always there!

"Who is your dad when you're sad and need some love?"

"Both, of course!"

Through it's simple story and beautiful illustrations, this book reminds us that a child's concept of "family" is ultimately formed by what they know and see around them; so surround the children you love with books about the love shared between all families! 

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So, UU@Home-rs, this is where you come in; in addition to providing four of my own favs, I am turning the tables this month and asking each of you to contribute some of your own great resources for all ages! Add your book recommendations below, or check out the UU@Home facebook page and join the discussion board, post pictures, and don't forget to include a link!

Books that "Stand on the Side of Love" (Week Two)

In honor of this month's @Home, each Wednesday in February will feature a children's book that honors all families and celebrates love. 

Just by reading and sharing these stories we are all doing our part to help create a culture that affirms the worth and dignity of all persons AND their families. 

No matter what your family looks like, I hope you will take some time to check out some of these books!

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Week Two

This week's pick was a total no-brainer: And Tango Makes Three is a heart-warming, true story that celebrates the love shared between two male penguins, Roy and Silo, and the beauty of the family they create together after they are given the gift of a fertile egg from another penguin couple. Roy and Silo take turns caring for the egg and, eventually, it hatches, and Tango is born.

This book is a great way to remind children (and adults) that even though Tango's family might look a little different than theirs, that the love shared between Tango and her dads is just as beautiful and valuable as any other family. Plus penguins. Who doesn't love penguins?

While And Tango Makes Three has become a staple in UU Religious Education libraries from coast to coast, this book has still faced a fair amount of controversy. It topped the American Library Association's list of "most challenged books" in 2006, not falling to number two until 2009. 

The calls to ban this book are yet another sad reminder of just how much our society needs the lessons from books such as these and how important it is to fight to keep these stories alive. Hopefully, the generation of children that grows up loving Tango will create a world that truly honors the value and rights of all families. In the meantime, this book continues to play a vital role in putting an end to bullying by teaching us that the love shared between Tango and her dads is not unlike the love in every other family.  

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So, UU@Home-rs, this is where you come in; in addition to providing four of my own favs, I am turning the tables this month and asking each of you to contribute some of your own great resources for all ages! Add your book recommendations below, or check out the UU@Home facebook page and join the discussion board, post pictures, and don't forget to include a link!

Learning Love

I remember so clearly the first time my now three-year-old daughter told me that she loved me. The very image of my toddler expressing her love was enough to melt the heart of even the grumpiest scrooge. You know the scene: glowing eyes, the smile that filled her face, her arms reaching to give the biggest hug her little body could possibly manage. Not that I am biased or anything, but there is not a baby mammal or a hamster in a helmet that could possibly compare to this level of cuteness.

It has always amazed me how capable young children are of freely expressing emotions that adults are so apt to keep to themselves. Even babies will offer their comfort items such as pacifiers and bottles to other children who are upset, as if to say, "I know how you feel; I've been there."

Still, even as I anxiously await my 15 month old son's first proclamation of love, I can't help but wonder: do kids really "get" love? Do they know what they are saying or are they simply mimicking behavior?

Yes, yes and...Yes!

Kids are expert cultural anthropologists; soaking in every bit of experience every minute of every day. They can sense tension and are astutely aware of happiness. I know this because both of my children are grumpy on my most stress-filled days and will laugh with me at my jokes when no one else will humor me... most of the time.

So when a caretaker affectionately whispers "I love you" and then shows it with hugs, understanding, presence, and sacrifice, it forms the child's very understanding of "love".

Go ahead; ask a child to define "love". I am willing to bet that what awaits you is a list a verbs that reflects how love has been shown to them:

"Love is hugging, love is listening, love is helping, love is friendship."

OR, in the words of a three-year-old: 

"Love is when we use our nice hands and we don't hit our little brothers. No. No."

How have you loved today? 

Books that "Stand on the Side of Love" (Week One)

In honor of this month's @Home, each Wednesday in February I will feature a children's book that honors all families and celebrates love. 

Just by reading and sharing these stories, we are all doing our part to help create a culture that affirms the worth and dignity of all persons AND their families. 

No matter what your family looks like, I hope you will take some time to check out some of these books!

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Week One

Let me just start by saying that I love Todd Parr! If you are at all familiar with his work, then you know that all of his books are colorful, engaging and appropriate for all ages. But beyond those (awesome) qualities, Todd Parr is unique in that he approaches each topic with genuine love and makes his readers, young and old, feel special.  


The first time I read The Family Book, I literally teared up. Never before had I read a children's book that truly honored all families by reminding us, in the most clear-cut way possible, that families come in all shapes and sizes. I imagine this book having the power to un-do some of the damaging ideas that have been passed down from generation to generation. I imagine kids world-wide reminding adults that there is no one "desired" family structure and that a family with two moms or two dads is just as special and wonderful as a family that has one mom and one dad, or, as Todd reminds us, "Your family is special no matter what kind it is."   


P.S. Check out some of Todd Parr's other amazing books; with topics from adoption, to different kinds of mommies and daddies, to taking care of the Earth. You now have a new favorite author!

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So, UU@Home-rs, this is where you come in; in addition to providing four of my own favs, I am turning the tables this month and asking each of you to contribute some of your own great resources for all ages! Add your book recommendations below, or check out the UU@Home facebook page and join the discussion board, post pictures, and don't forget to include a link!

This month’s idea:

Stand on the Side of Love!

With Valentine's Day quickly approaching, February may just be the perfect time to learn about the Standing on the Side of Love Campaign; "a public advocacy campaign that seeks to harness love’s power to stop oppression.”

Check out the February tab above for some great @Home ideas and to join the discussion. 

I want to know: How will you Stand on the Side of Love?

Beyond the Rhetoric

It is hard to think that there might be anything left to share that hasn’t already been said following the events in Tucson last week.

To call this an unthinkable act simply does not give this justice. 

In a just a few seconds, the lives of so many have been forever altered, and I fear our democracy may be as well; not just because our representatives may become even more inaccessible to their constituents than they ever were before, but because a country cannot thrive when it is ruled by fear. 

Almost immediately following the horrific events on Saturday, Twitter and the blogosphere came alive; first with questions of, “Why?” and “Who?” and very quickly followed with far-fetched assumptions and finger-pointing. As we were all dizzy with a heavy mix of sadness, fear, and confusion, we reached to the only place we knew to go: those people.

So quick were we to wonder about the religious background and reading list of the killer; because surely these would identify the “responsible party." So quick were we to search every Palin speech and every Beck and Limbaugh broadcast, looking for the one thing that MUST have set-off this would-be assassin. So quick were we then to respond by spending all of our waking hours rummaging for stones to cast back across the isle; because we could not bear to think that any one of us was more responsible than those people. I am ashamed that too much of my time over the past few days has been dedicated to tuning into programs I would not ordinarily support, knowing that my emotions would reach an all-time high.    

Maybe I just needed to be angry; or perhaps this is our reaction because deep down we feel that it must be impossible for just one person to create such a large ripple in our pond; especially when this single individual has made this wave by doing something so horrendous. 

Over the past days I have been restless as I struggled with my own internal debate about our language, our power of influence, and the responsibilities that come along with those. I was disheartened at the haste with which we assigned blame to others instead of combining our efforts to rise up and lead forward in solidarity. How are we to defeat the violent rhetoric if we give it so much power? 

At the same time I was angry at those who have chosen to use their power to spread messages that are disingenuous at best and intentional fear-mongering at worst. But, through all of this I keep coming back to the same question:

How can we use our voices to reveal injustices and, at the same time, not allow our collective voices to give rise to hate and fear, giving those who perpetuate violence more power than they deserve? 

Much of the debate that has been raging on in the media reminds me so much of the arguments that happened over ten years ago, as those of us who occupied high school classrooms attempted to wrap our minds around the Columbine Massacre. 

Ironically, it was conservatives at that time who were ready to ban Marilyn Manson from stages across our country and who were ready to protest stores that sold his albums. “These musicians influence our feeble-minded children,” the argument went, “so those people are responsible for teaching our kids this violent behavior.”

I don’t remember where I was when I heard about the shooting and I don’t remember much about the news coverage in the days immediately thereafter; however, I do remember feeling sad and confused about what had happened and, above all, I felt anxiety about how our lives were to move forward.  While the media and politicians were busy debating censorship I, WE, had to go back to school. Life did not stop. 

For a few days after Columbine, the high school I attended excused students who were not yet ready to return. My brother and I were never really ones for school, but nothing could keep us from going back as soon as the doors had opened. I remember feeling an overwhelming sense of pride as we walked to our classes alongside my dad and the few other students, teachers, and parents who stood together with us on those few uncertain days. 

Eventually, our lives seemed to get back to normal; although the new “normal” involved school lock-downs and make-up days at the end of the year; not because of weather closings, but because of the incredible amount of bomb threats our schools started to endure. All of these years, and countless debates later, and we still have not discovered the magic formula that lead to that fateful day. 

This is not to say that these debates are not important at all; in fact, we need to consider that by focusing our energy on these debates in the midst of a crisis diminishes not only the suffering of those who are mourning, but also lessens the value of the issues at hand. I am not suggesting that we light-heartedly “drop it” until a better time, but that we take a moment to introduce a little bit of level-headedness back into the equation. It is important to deeply consider the consequences of our words and the power of our influence on others, so let’s consider it; deeply and sincerely. We have all said things that do not reflect our peaceful ideals and we ought to afford others the same opportunity to learn and do better.    

I am ready for the moment where we walk through those figurative high school doors, proud to stand together in honor of those who suffered the most.

I want us to recognize that we all have a part to play, and that assigning blame is not the same as shining a light on injustice so that we may do better.

I do not want us to slowly, angrily sink back into life as we knew it before this tragedy; I want to intentionally move forward, better, because of it. This can’t happen as long as we are focused on lifting up hate and violence, even if we do so because we think we are speaking out against it. The more time we spend assigning and deflecting blame, the less time is spent tilting the scales back toward love, justice, and healing. 

I, for one, am ready to walk through those doors; a new “normal” of our own creation awaits us on the other side. I am ready. Are you?

“Be the change you wish to see in the world.” –Gandhi 

I Confiscated My Kid's Bed.

Yesterday was a Monday.

The day began... well, actually, the day never really actually began, per se, because it really just kind of flowed into the day before.  The funny kind of math that you never fully grasp until you are in the midst of your parenting “glory days,” goes a little something like this: 

   1 teething one-year-old 

+ 1 three-year-old asserting her independence 

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= 0 sleep

   0 sleep 

+ 1 teething one-year-old

+ 1 three year-old asserting her independence 

+ To-do list a mile long (pressure!!!)

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= 1 day for the record books  

All things considered, I think that I should get some sort of award for patience; for most of the day, anyway.  I was doing great until bedtime when I confiscated my three-year-old daughter's bed.  

That's right- you read that correctly.  I confiscated her bed.  The whole bed; frame and all.  

In my defense, she was jumping on the bed rather than actually sleeping in it.  And she had spent the whole day climbing chairs, couches, my leg, and anything else that resembled any sort of climbable structure.  I was at the absolute limit of what my body would physically and emotionally allow.  I could not sit her down on her bed, calmly talk to her about listening ears and helping hands, or sing "no more monkeys jumping on the bed" one more time.   Confiscating the bed felt... right.  And, as a nice fringe benefit of my moment of possible insanity, I get to forever hold on to what the casual onlooker might have observed as I summoned up what little strength I had left to storm out of her room, angrily pushing the poor, dumb-founded kid’s bed into the hallway.    

I was done.  I felt like I had wasted an entire day doing nothing but reminding:  reminding a three-year-old over and over…and OVER again about “The Rules.” 

I guess we all have our limits; and the pressures that come along with that mile-long to-do list can easily turn into an incredible perspective-devouring monster.  As I (eventually) cooled down from my bed-stealing frenzy, I thought about everything I had said and done that day. 

“The couch is for sitting, not for jumping.”

“don’t hit your brother”

“That was a great hug!”

“Thanks for using your nice words!”

“Please don’t flush the toilet three times in a row; you are going to break it.”

Days can too easily become a blur of yeses and no’s and the little lessons and sweet, unexpected, once-in-a-lifetime moments can get so lost while we are busy mourning the loss of the time that we needed to “get things done.”  And, perhaps, the most important task we are all charged with is to remind each other… over and over… and OVER again in love. 

 

“Hands are for helping; not for hurting.”

“Use your nice words, please.”

“Do not hurt yourself.”

“We take time to listen to each other.”

My three-year old reminded me on Monday that I need to recognize my limits and take a time-out when I need it.  Perhaps next time she can remind me a little more gently.