Books that "Stand on the Side of Love" (Week Four)

In honor of this month's @Home, each week in February will feature a different children's book that honors all families and celebrates love. 

Just by reading and sharing these stories we are all doing our part to help create a culture that affirms the worth and dignity of all persons AND their families. 

No matter what your family looks like, I hope you will take some time to check out some of these books!

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Week Four

I was introduced to Uncle Bobby's Wedding by Sarah S. Brannen just in the nick of time! 

My daughter has reached the age when questions about EVERYTHING fill our days; including her wonderings about all of this "getting married" stuff she is surrounded with seemingly every minute of every day (thank you, Disney). Of course, the images that bombard her world tend to feature a very narrow view of what love and marriage looks like. 

Uncle Bobby's Wedding  was a great way for me to begin to address some of my daughter's questions about marriage and weddings and has allowed me to incorporate more diverse representations of marriage into her world view.

Brannen's tale introduces a rather familiar concept: the jealousy a child may feel when he or she learns that a beloved family member may be sharing time with someone new. In this story, Chloe, an adorable hamster, is saddened, even in the midst of her family's celebrations, that her favorite Uncle Bobby will be getting married to Jamie. Chloe adores the time that she gets to spend with her Uncle Bobby and wonders if he will still have time to share with her after he gets married. Of course, by the end of the book (spoiler alert!) Chloe learns that she doesn't have to be jealous of her Uncle's new husband, but that there is enough love to go around. 

Uncle Bobby's Wedding is a sweet story that features themes and characters that speak to the heart of children of all ages. If your little one is beginning to wonder about marriage, why not include this book in your conversations?

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So, UU@Home-rs, this is where you come in; in addition to providing four of my own favs, I am turning the tables this month and asking each of you to contribute some of your own great resources for all ages! Add your book recommendations below, or check out the UU@Home facebook page and join the discussion board, post pictures, and don't forget to include a link!

January @Home

This month’s idea:

Make a UU Resolution!

With each new year comes a tradition of deep reflection on the past year and imagining how to better your future... or perhaps you are of the camp that feels horribly nauseated by the whole idea of new year’s resolutions and the inevitable monotonous news stories about what Joe Cool said about his resolution on Twitter.

Well, stop rolling your eyes (I'm looking at you, 15 year-old version of myself) and reclaim this annual practice by personalizing it for your grown-up UU self.     

Check out the January Tab (above) for some ideas to help you make simple, attainable New Year’s resolutions (a.k.a. amazing acts of UU faith):

My New Year's resolution: make more time to write... beginning with a reflection of my 2010.
(Relax, I still have some time before 2010 is over!)

Therapy Fund

I am not a parenting expert.  In fact, I am hardly a novice.  

I have to say, I am extremely suspicious of anyone who claims to have the key to unlocking the secrets of producing the world’s perfect children (complete with perfectly styled hair, spotless clothes, and halos, of course).    

In my mere 3 years of being an actual parent, I would have to say that I actually now know less about child-rearing than I thought I did before my children happily shattered every dream I had about the ease with which I would raise them.  

It took a few healthy doses of humility to get me to the point of admitting my cluelessness; I spent my first few months as the "perfect" new parent, looking down my nose at other parenting styles (you know, the new-age or simply archaic practices from the parents who will enviably produce the trouble-making kids that my simply angelic children will have to endure at school every day.  Those parents.  You and I are not in these categories, of course). 

After enough mishaps and public tantrums that leave the entire room looking at you the exact same way you looked at all those other parents who just couldn't control their kids, it hits you: YOU DON’T KNOW SQUAT.  


Each child is unique, bringing into the world his or her own set of needs and gifts, and each caregiver is different, bringing to the table his or her own set of gifts and weaknesses.  You add in all of the variables and suddenly your simple formula for parenting success…well, let’s face it, I was never really good at math anyway.

Shortly after I figured out that “I know nothing” is the only thing I’ll ever know, I started making mental contributions to my kids’ “Therapy Fund”.  I would make imaginary deposits every time my temper was too short or my patience much too thin.  I would even make an occasional contribution on days when I was questioning whether or not our lifestyle choices would leave our children feeling too different.

Then I decided that it would be way more fun to have an actual Therapy Fund. 

(Especially as I  imagined how fun it would be to pop ten bucks in the therapy jar to diffuse a moment of teenage hormonal rage when my kids declare their hatred for me at about 500 decibels.  “Oh, tell it to your therapist!” I might say to myself.)

To be fair, the creation of this jar wasn’t JUST for kicks and giggles; I created it in part because I sincerely believe that this is one of the gifts that I can give my children, and not just because they will be actually receiving this money one day (they will probably need someone who will help them work through all of the baggage they have obtained, courtesy of the wacky parents who raised them as UU vegetarians in a fairly conservative small town). 

But I think the best gift of the Therapy Fund is that each deposit is a physical representation to me and my children that I recognize that I am, by no means, super-human.  I have real shortcomings that may leave a real void in their lives.  I don’t know all of the answers and I never will (although not for lack of trying).  This simple, silly little jar reminds me that it is okay that my kids may need to turn to someone other than me to help them over one of life’s hurdles, and that I am totally allowed to have a bad day or two (and that I might even be able to forgive myself for that one day).   

It also oddly helps me strive to be the best parent I can be (I am not made of money, ya know).  The less I have to put in that jar, the better.  


Some time, I may even just throw in a couple of bucks just… because.  Even the parents who have written the books on parenting need help too.   

  

Post "T-day" Reflections

  

When I picked up my kids from daycare on Tuesday, my daughter presented me with her daily art project as she beamed with excitement.  

It brings me great comfort to know that when I can't be with my kids that they are in a place where they can learn and grow and take such pride in learning something as simple as "T is for Turkey."  Even at the tender age of three.  

Believe me when I say that this lesson in honor of Thanksgiving is very cherished, but bear with me as I share why this simple project was so humorous to me:

We don’t eat meat. 

Not that I didn’t see this moment coming; I have actually been writing and re-writing what was to be my pre-Thanksgiving entry in which I shared (ad nauseum) my many day dreams of what my kids might say and do once they entered the world of the local public schools and were introduced to the arts, crafts, and inevitable fairy-tale lessons of the first Thanksgiving Feast.  

One of my more elaborate visions included my precocious daughter announcing to her classmates that some poor baby turkey was now walking around motherless and that the table cloths at the first Thanksgiving Supper were probably small-pox infested anyway.      

Of course, at three, my daughter hasn’t quite made the connection that the reason we say “T is for Turkey” is because most people in our culture find those turkeys just so irresistibly yummy. 

 

We find ourselves doing an interesting dance this time of year; deliberating between different ways to lift up our lifestyle choice while still honoring others who choose differently out of principle or simply because of circumstance (because, let’s face it, a vegetarian diet is a privilege).

I don’t want my kids to look down upon others who eat meat, nor do I want them to choose to eat meat merely because they feel as if there is some great magical holiday moment that occurs the second the turkey enters your mouth (surely there must be fireworks displays and a chorus of angels that sing upon digestion).  

I totally expect that one day my children will want to try meat, and they will be able to do this with our blessing; there may even come a time when my kids decide that vegetarianism is just not for them and I want them to feel good about that too.

The fact is that we can have conversations all day long about why we are vegetarians and how we came to make this choice (although, this conversation at the Thanksgiving table brings with it the risk of turning your light-hearted family function into a bad SNL skit ala Debbie Downer.).  But at the end of the day, this is who we are and this lifestyle suits us and our Principles best. 

So let’s laugh about our differences, drink a glass of wine (a vegetarian delicacy in my book), and remember that we have more in common than we have ideals that separate us.  

I, for one, am thankful for that!       

Even vegetarians can do "meat" and potatoes... chickpea cutlets!  
Maybe I DO hear that chorus of Angels...